I Want to be King!

I love this picture. Dear husband (dh) says it looks like Dynamite is shouting, "I AM KING OF THE WORRRLLLLD!". On that note, I wanted to share a fabulous quote from Marianne Williamson's book, A Return to Love:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, 'Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?' Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. You were born to manifest the glory of God that is within you. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

Wow! This is powerful stuff. How often do we find ourselves filling our minds with negative self-talk? For example, "I'm too old to play an instrument well, why bother trying?" or "I haven't written anything in ages, I don't even think I can anymore". We allow the nay-saying to stifle out new possibilities. We hang our heads feeling defeated when we haven't even gotten out of the gate. Talk about being unfair!

As a kid, I can remember feeling embarrassed that I enjoyed reading. I recall being laughed at when I used a word like "catapulted" instead of "jumped". I was ashamed of what I loved, because it made me different. God forbid that I draw any attention to myself and step outside of the safe circle of mediocrity. We see children make fun of others all the time because something is different about them. They are thinner, they are fatter, they are smarter, they are shorter. We grow up with the voices calling out, "Don't be different! Don't stand out!". And we gradually learn to internalize those voices. And if we allow them to, the voices deter us from becoming the person we were meant to be.

Remember, who are you not to be amazing? Choose not to be stifled. Choose to be incredible. It is what you were created for.

“There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls.” -Howard Thurman

A little Moonlight Sonata, please?

Remember how I was writing about being disorganized and forgetful? Well, this morning was a perfect example. I woke up and was lazily sipping my coffee while the kids played. Dh decided to go over to my parents' to work on their computer and the three musketeers wanted to tag along. As they were all piling in the car, I remembered, oh no!, I made plans to go to dh's aunt's house which is an hour and a half away. At this point, it was roughly ten o'clock and I was still in my jammies. Let the William Tell Overture begin!

To make a long story short, I was able to get myself together while the kids were gone and when they got back we all headed out for our little road trip. We listened to Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs on cd along with Cindy-Lou Who's new Taylor Swift cd (I make no apologies, we both love her...the boys roll their eyes and we choose to ignore them).

It was a day of leisurely visiting and kids belly laughing. Super-boy and Cindy-Lou Who took a ride out in their uncle's wagon which was hitched to the back of a tractor. Believe me, they were in their glory. Dynamite wanted to get on, but he didn't want to get on, if you get my drift. He kept crying, "wa-non! wanon!", but every time I would try to put him in, he would wrap his arms around my neck in a death grip. Maybe next time...

So, in spite of my forgetfulness this morning, it turned out to be a really pleasant day. Ending with a little bit of Moonlight Sonata, which is way more relaxing than the way it started out.

All of Me

I am free, and yet shackled.
I am more alive than I have ever been, and yet dragged down by a thousand wrongs.
I am surrounded by deep, abiding and transparent love and yet swallowed up by the hypocrisy...the shallowness of both myself and others.
I am goodness and selfishness.
I am joy overflowing and sadness at its core.
I am a smile and my head in my hands.
I am magical and toxic.
I am peaceful and plagued.
I am laying it down and taking it right back every chance I get.
I am light and dark.
I am loved.

For all of these things, I am loved.
I write this because I tend to focus on the negative, or as my friend Matt commented at one point, "the unworthiness". But I am worthy. You are worthy.
You are loved.

Courage to Change the Things I Can...

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference". ~The Serenity Prayer


So, the last few weeks I've been feeling crummy about where I'm at with my physical fitness. It's getting colder and I'm a lot less apt to hop on my bike to make a quick trip to the fruit market or the bank. I'm not preparing for any rides (okay, so I only did one, but who's counting). I'm not walking to the library as frequently as when the kids were out of school.



Also, I am an admitted chocoholic. I LOVE dark chocolate and everybody knows it. If it is in the house, I will eat it. If it is not in the house, I will buy it. It is somewhat of an addiction. All of the healthy muffin recipes that I make...I stuff them chock full of chocolate chips which kind of eliminates the healthy factor.



Last but not least, I hate to exercise unless it is fully disguised in pure fun. I love to play softball because I have a competitive spirit and I get to leave the house to hang with friends. I like to ride my bike because I am going somewhere--I am riding with a purpose of arriving at a destination. But walking on a treadmill...not so much.



So as I was wishing I was in better shape, eating healthier and exercising more, I said to myself, "This is YOUR CHOICE. If you don't like it, change it". How often do I sit around feeling badly about something that I have total control over? Feeling powerless when I am fully empowered to make a change?



So, here it is, friends. I am joining the gym. I am always somewhat embarrassed to go to the gym as I look like a dufus trying to figure out how to work half of the machines. But I am going to do it, because I am tired of feeling bad about it!



Is there something in your life that you feel badly about that you have the ability to change? I'm curious. Share if you can and maybe we can all encourage each other!



Also, check out this HILARIOUS link of Brian Regan talking about feeling like a loser at the gym. You'll get a great laugh for the day.

http://comedians.jokes.com/brian-regan/videos/brian-regan---the-gym

The Muffins Can Wait

"Mom, how do you spell 'Grandpa -------'?". Or "Mom, how do you spell 'You are my best friend and I love you'?". (I know I'm messing up my punctuation here, fellow English nerds--I will get out my MLA and straighten myself out, I promise). And so, I begin slowly, "M-o-m...".

I really want to bake muffins today. I want to do something that requires my complete attention and have zero interruptions. But my husband so gently broke it to me today, "I don't know if you're going to get that...this...year". Nice. And I may not. So, how do I cope? How do I manage to feel fulfilled when right now, as I'm typing, Dynamite is spilling Cheerios all over the floor that I just swept. Cindy-lou Who continues to call out her spelling demands from her corner of the living-room , and Super-boy stands here chattering in my ear about Pokemon.

...And now Super-boy is doing somersaults off the couch...
...And now Dynamite is emptying my pan cupboard...

Perhaps surrender is the answer. Lay it down. Right now, I need to be content with what is before me and recognize that being in the will of God is fulfilling my responsibilities at this very moment in time. At this very moment, it is my duty to gently get my children headed toward bed. To read a story, brush their teeth and say prayers...without gritting my teeth and doing so in the most hurried manner possible. It is my blessing to be able to kiss them on their foreheads and tell them that they are loved and that they are good.

And to tell myself that the muffins can wait. To be fully present. Wow, it is so hard to do that. But for tonight, I will do my best.

Good Enough

Most mornings, I wake up with the William Tell Overture blaring in my head. I very groggily roll over to look at the time, only to realize that, oh no!, I am late again! and it begins with the distant rumble of horses galloping... Sure, there are days when I can get this stubborn body out of bed early, but it does not happen often. And it seems that no matter what I do to make things organized for the next day, I'm still on the edge of acting just a little bit like a psychopath!

The night before, I get the coffee ready, make the lunch(es)--(I make Mike's too if I'm feeling extremely loving and generous, wink), and have a general tidiness in our house. However, every morning as the kids are running out the door with their backpacks flying behind them shoving toast in their mouths, the house has been turned upside down. There is underwear on the floor, dirty dishes, blankets strewn about (why???) and, well, it's chaos, folks. I don't know how else to say it.

There is no reason for my sharing this other than to let you in on a little secret (actually, it's no secret at all): I am disorganized and very imperfect. I tell you with no hesitation that I do not have it all together. I am the mom who is on the phone with my girlfriends at 7:15 saying, "Oh my gosh, are the kids supposed to wear their uniforms or dress down today???". There is a general sense of cluelessness in our house, with the exception of Cindy-Lou Who (5) who tries to keep mom and dad in the know (thank God for this sweet treasure).

But I do try...really hard. My intentions are good. And today, that is good enough. I am perfectly content with my imperfection.

“My imperfections and failures are as much a blessing from God as my successes and my talents and I lay them both at his feet.” -Gandhi

A Time to Dance

For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under
heaven:

a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up
what is planted;

a time to kill, and a time to heal;

a time to break down, and a time to build up;

a time to weep; and a time to laugh;

a time to mourn, and a time to dance;

a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;

a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing;

a time to seek and a time to lose;

a time to rend, and a time to sew;

a time to keep silence, and a time to speak;

a time to love, and a time to hate;

a time for war, and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3: 1-8

Today, my Aunt Eileen and I buried my grandma. She has been gone for over a year now and my aunt has had her ashes in an urn at her house. We finally felt it was time to lay her down to rest. It was a beautiful fall day, full of autumn breezes, one that my grandma would have basked in.

My aunt and I shared a lot of great memories and knew that grandma was laughing right along with us. One of the greatest things about her was that when she laughed, her shoulders shook up and down. Even if there was not a sound coming out of her mouth, her body was jiggling.

Right after my biological father died, my grandma and aunt went to a group meeting that they were told would help them cope with their loss. The group began by going around and making introductions. The first person they came to said, "My name is _____ and I have terrible anxiety. I can't even go to the grocery store without having a panic attack". The second person, "My name is _____ and I break out in to cold sweats when I leave the house". As the introductions continued, my grandma and aunt realized they were in a group for people who suffer from agoraphobia. My aunt remembers that out of the corner of her eye, she saw my grandma's shoulders start to shake up and down uncontrollably.

Even in the midst of unbearable pain, there is reason for laughter. We have certainly grieved, but today we celebrated and did so with a smile.